Cant help to feel that my life is just so screwed .

i know i do not have the choice and have accepted it.
and know that once my battle begin,
i must overcome everything and continue to fight all the way.
i really did try harder to be stronger.
however,
i'm just super exhuasted mentally and physically.
its really a long and tedious journey/battle
till..
i cant seem to be able to handle it optimistically anymore.

i'm just so tired of everything :'(

i'm tired of being terrified whenever i take a bath as i will see strands and strands of hair falling off.
i'm tired of getting to see needles every thurdays during chemo and check up.
i'm tired of thinking and fearing how people would look at me as my hair gets lesser.
i'm tired of feeling nausea and keep having the urge to vomit.
i'm tired of loosing my appetite and not able to eat all the nice food i like.
i'm tired of missing nypco practices and not being able to go through concerts and performance with my dear nypco friends.
i'm tired of feeling helpless and useless for my projects.
i'm tired of feeling unwell and thus not able to meet up with delia and gang.
i'm tired of not being able to feel good about myself.
i'm tired of feeling guilty and thinking that i'm a burden to my family.
i'm tired of fearing that i cant recover and be a healthy person again.
i'm tired of..
bearing all the heartaches my heart gave :'(

and the list goes on.

really do not know how to motivate myself anymore.