My Nightmare.

it all started with me discovering a small lump (about 2cm big) on the right area of my neck above the collar bone.
i got really curious of the lump and told daddy and mummy about it .
they thought that it is some usual bruise of mine resulted from me being clumsy (most of the time) at first.
however, it was not painful when i touch/ put pressure on it.
so i decided to visit my family doctor some time in february 2010.
my family doctor then adviced me to visit the polyclinic to have a check as he feared that it might not turn out to be good.
so i went over to bedok polyclinic that day alone.
consulted the doctor at the polyclinic and
he concluded that it might be some kind of infection due to sore throat or flu.
(co-incidently, i was having sore throat at that moment too.)
the doctor then ask me to take a blood test .
and my blood test result turn out to be normal .
so the doctor gave me medication for a week to see if that lump will get smaller.
a week later, i went back to the polyclinic to consult the doctor again.
my lump did not get smaller though.
thus, the doctor referred me to SGH to consult the specialists there.
it was already march 2010 when i had my first appointment at SGH.
the doctor at SGH took some test (similar to blood test but performed on my lump instead) and asked me to get back for the result on the next appointment.
went back for the next appointment weeks later and the doctor told  me that the test done could not show if the lump is infection or some others.
so he announced that he would need to perform an operation for me to take the "lump" out for another test.
had the operation on april 2010.
it was a minor operation so i went back home upon waking up after the operation was done .
just as i thought that everything would be over soon,
the doctor told me that the test result is negative and i was diagnosed with the lymph node cancer(lymphoma) on my next appointment after the operation.
he state that i would need to undergo chemo therapy. T.T
i was then referred to another specialist after that.
did all kinds of scans and bone marrow test on late april.
the doctor then verified that i have stage 2 of  the hodgkins disease.
she said that i have to go through 12 sessions of chemo(conducted once every 2 weeks) and hopefully i can get well after that.

everything changes since then.
i have to give up on a lot of things which most of the people of my age get to do and adore.
this inculdes my studies, cca(favourite chinese orchestra) , friends ,outings and more.
although i've accept it, but i still do feel upset deep down.
i really did try my best to stay strong but
it is really not easy to manage and overcome this nightmare optimistically.
often, i'm really struggling emotionally and i can just breakdown unknownly.
somehow, my sunshine has disappeared.
felt really depress ,weak and useless .(all kind of mixed feelings.)
cant help to feel guilty that daddy ,grandparents and my loved ones need to trouble, worry and take care of me like a burden,
when i should be the one doing so instead.
:'(
i'm just so helpless towards my "screwed" life.
sigh~.
after going through all this, 
i concluded that life is really unpredictable.
you never know what will/can happen .
so do cherish everything and not take life/people who care for you for granted.

there are still tons of things i wanna accomplish and experience in life.
i know i shloud not think negatively.
but deep down, i really fear that i do not have the chance to live my life to the fullest.
:'(

really hope that the nightmare of mine would be over soon.
9th battle tmr.
jia you mic.